Accumulated E-mails: FH!Willow

[soldtoarmenians]

August 31st, 2000
To: bridge.carson, m.parker, isabel.evans, willow.rosenberg, dawn.summers, alanna.trebond, samuel.anders, rory.gilmore, john.crichton, d'anna.biers, angela.chase, martin.blank, veruca.cally, samantha.carter, nadia.santos, alex.krycek, jake.gavin, peter.pevensie, skankzero.hopelesssavage /// @fandomhigh.net, veronica.mars@hearst.edu
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: [blank]

If *any* of you guys get this, will you tell everybody else I'm trying to call and write but everything keeps bouncing back at me? I haven't got anything from Fandom, either, and I'm pretty sure you didn't *all* decide I need to be shunnedOMG. And Willow can't get e-mail out to her friends from Hogwarts, so it's not the phone or the alumni net thing, it's some kind of interference on this end, she thinks. She's hacking the network of checking with the guys at the Watchers' Council who sent us off in the first place to see if they know what's going on.

This may not go through either, but I'll keep trying. And if you get spammed, um. Sorry? Better than thinking I was blowing you off, right?

Miss you all, even Faithful
Xander
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ooooo. [The same e-mail repeated every day until September 10th, 2000]
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Sept. 20th, 2000
To: willow.rosenberg@fandomhigh.net
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: Girls named Tara Boys named Parker

So this girl who used to be my Ethics teacher? You're totally going to the movies with her tonight. So that guy who made you hate Peter Parker without even knowing him? I totally punched him in the nose. I know you said Buffy took care of beating him with a stick, but that was your world; I felt I had to do my part in ours. Just thought it might perk up your day.

love, Xander

P.S. I am at this very moment using one of your pencils to make notes in my Algebra book. Except for where I'm typing, but now I'm going back to the notes thing.
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November 28th, 2000
To: bridge.carson, m.parker, isabel.evans, willow.rosenberg, dawn.summers /// @fandomhigh.net
Subject: Aliens

I like the ones at our school better. I'm just sayin'. Big chunk of space rock. Thing that likes to suck crazy people's brains out. Psych ward at hospital. In conclusion, eww. I saved you a piece of the meteor, though, Isabel. Don't know if I'll see you again to give it to you, but seemed like something you could add to your collection, even if it's not from Roswell.

Miss you guys.

love, Xander
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December 25th, 2000
To: bridge.carson, callisto, m.parker, isabel.evans, willow.rosenberg, dawn.summers, alanna.trebond, aeryn.sun, samuel.anders, rory.gilmore, john.crichton, d'anna.biers, angela.chase, martin.blank, veruca.cally, samantha.carter, nadia.santos, alex.krycek, jake.gavin, peter.pevensie, peter.parker, skankzero.hopelesssavage, jenny.calendar, jaye.tyler /// @fandomhigh.net, veronica.mars@hearst.edu
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: Merry Stuffs

Happymerrypeacefulzombiefree Chrismakuhsticearoni - does that cover everybody? And I figure if I'm throwing bottles of e-mail out into the internets it's just as likely they'll make it to ancient Greece as it is that they'll hit Fandom, so Cal, if you're reading this, happy whatever the hell you guys celebrate in December too. Happy Anniversary-of-the-Strip-Triad-Game-I'm-Kinda-Sorry-I-Missed, maybe.

Willow says hi me and hi Bridge, and then she kind of shakes her head a little bit because she's still on the Oh Xander train and thinks I don't get how unlikely it is that you guys will ever see this. I do, though. Some things are just worth saying anyway, you know?

Like I passed my first semester of classes. It was touch and go for a while, but I am an actual bonafide college guy, as opposed to an actual bonafide flunkedoutofcollege guy. An actual bonafide college guy with his first actual bonafide car, too, even if it's an actual bonafide POS. And everybody here is alive and ...about as safe as you ever get in Sunnydale. (Dawn, there's a maybe on the Thing; they can't tell yet but they're checking again next week.)

Except now I ran out of news that's fit to print and doesn't involve other people's sekrits. That's one of the drawbacks about the whole never hearing back thing, aside from the obvious - all I can do is talk about me.

So instead I'll make stuff up about you guys. If I don't hear back from you I'll just assume I was right.

Let's see, it's December, so you've already had at least one invasion. This time it was MIMES. Marty, Peter Parker, Greg, Cally and Belthazor all got taken over and formed a troupe, roaming the dorms and annoying...I mean scaring the crap out of everybody who set foot in the hallways. The evil mimes were foiled when John, Sam, Nadia and Bridge joined together and built a giant invisible box around them (that dispenses cotton candy when they bang on the walls to be let out), and all the students went back to...as normal as they ever were. The mimes are still there, but no one cares because you all threw a sheet over the box and went on with your lives.

Veronica, Cal, Angel and Logan all came back for Homecoming. Angel's hair looked stupid. This is not actually news. Greg gave him a makeover, though. It still looks stupid (not Greg's fault; you can only work with what you're given), but it's taller now.

D'anna turned into a frog for a while, and had a wild fling with Jeremiah, but they broke it off even before D got turned back due to irreconcilable Vanessa Saturn shipping preferences. The Perk closed down and was replaced by a fancy mineral water store. Rory and Jake sat on the sidewalk in front of it every day for a week and LOOKED SAD AND WOEFUL at everybody who went in or out until they gave up and turned it back into a coffee shop. In not unrelated news, Krycek had a minor nervous breakdown during this period, but he's better now. He only twitches uncontrollably if you mention Evian around him.

Alanna dyed her hair black and took up smoking clove cigarettes and wearing a beret. Faithful laughed so hard he completely lost his voice, which is exactly why she did it. He was grumpy once he figured that out, but Willow and Anders cheered him up with catnip-laced cookies.

Angela dyed her hair black and took up smoking clove cigarettes and wearing a beret too, but it was a philosophical statement. Which didn't stop Faithful from laughing at her too.

Dean the Tick was seen wearing jeans and a t-shirt, which made everybody (except people from Sunnydale) wonder if the apocalypse was nigh, but no, the laundry machines were just on strike again so he couldn't wash his tights. The randomly-disappearing clothes thing happened again too, but this time it was even taking people's underwear. Jaye skipped classes to follow Constable Fraser around all week. Nobody knows for sure what happened but she was back in class on Monday and she WON'T STOP SMILING.

How'd I do?

love,
Xander
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January 19th, 2001
To: bridge.carson@fandomhigh.net, rory_gilmore@fandomhigh.net, dawn.summers@fandomhigh.net, willow.rosenberg@fandomhigh.net
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: Buffy's Birthday

...absolutely *nothing* happened to screw up the party.

This worries me.

Dawn and Willow can explain that one to you, Bridge and Rory.

Okay, Buffy looked at me a *little* weird when she unwrapped her present and found five (cheapity because unlike some people I can't actually make my own) cell phones in the box? But I explained that whole 'keeping everybody networked so people know you're not dead and thus you don't get yelled at and if someone's actually in danger of being dead they can call for help as demonstrated last week' concept, and she was pretty pro- lack of yelling. And anti-being dead. Plus, and I quote, "Shiiiiiny."

love, Xander
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April 24th, 2001
To: willow.rosenberg@fandomhigh.net
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: Rassenfrassenrmphdymrf

Okay, fine, you win. Spike is not *that* bad. Please treasure this moment because I don't think I'm physically capable of typing it more than once in this lifetime.

But I've got to give the guy credit. He almost got himself killed deader because he wouldn't ...dammit you're not supposed to know what he wouldn't because it's future stuff for you. Which I'm not sure I agree with, but it's also somebody else's stuff to tell, plus I don't know how safe it is to even mention it anyway.

So let's just say what he did went a long way towards keeping him undead when he came to after getting dragged back to Revello Drive and the first thing he did was stick his tongue down Buffy's throat in full view of Giles, Joyce, Dawn, my-You, Amy, Tara who I'm heroically not mentioning so I don't risk breaking your brain if you get this, me, Larry and I think several passing Jehovah's Witnesses.

love, your bff who at least for once in his life was not the last to know something

P.S. Which is not to say I am or will ever be over the WTF of you asking if *I* wanted to sleep with Spike because WTF, Willow? W.T.F?
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September 20th, 2001
To: bridge.carson, m.parker, peter.parker, isabel.evans, willow.rosenberg, dawn.summers /// @fandomhigh.net
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: Geek Love

There was a van outside the apartment complex this afternoon with a picture of the Killing Moon airbrushed on it. Win. That is all.

~Xander

P.S. ....yes, I tried to go fanboy at talk to the driver. Duh. But I was on my way to go help with laundry and by the time I got back upstairs it was gone. Woe.

P.P.S. By the way, Peter, sitting on spoilers for Vanessa Saturn for another *three years*? Bites. OTOH...Z Cases Season 9? *rubs hands together*
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May 3rd, 2002
To: bridge.carson, willow.rosenberg, dawn.summers, peter.pevensie, peter.parker, isabel.evans, elizabeth.delgado, veruca.cally, samuel.anders // @fandomhigh.net
From: xharris@ucsd.edu
Subject: Graduation

For the record, I do know I'm in your past and if my e-mails ever get through at all, it might not be for another 20-some years and you're all 40+ and balding (...except maybe not the girls because that's really hard to picture). But it's been two years for *me*, so for the sake of not making my head hurt from the math (and me not having to picture *any* of you balding), I'm gonna play like it's been that long for you guys, m'kay? And I don't even know exactly when you'd be graduating because the dates are different, so I'm going for early instead of late.

Wow, that was a lot of leadup for "Hey, I miss you guys and I hope you're all ok, and I'm damn proud of you even if I'm not there to see what I'm being proud of."

Hey, I miss you guys and I hope you're all ok, and I'm damn proud of you even if I'm not there to see what I'm being proud of.

Wish I could - if I could pick a time and be there for just one thing, it'd be to see your class graduate. Since I can't, though, here's hoping you get this someday. Take care of yourselves and each other, and keep in touch if you can. I know you're all going off to other places and different dimensions even, but from somebody who's been there, knowing you've got friends makes all the difference.

~Xander

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March 18th, 2003
To: aeryn.sun, alanna.trebond, alex.krycek, angela.chase, belthazor, bridge.carson, callisto, cameron.mitchell, charlie.kawalsky, conner.mcknight, d'anna.biers, dawn.summers, elizabeth.delgado, hamlet.dane, isabel.evans, jake.gavin, jaye.tyler, jenny.calendar, john.crichton, m.parker, marty.blank, nadia.santos, peter.parker, peter.pevensie, phoebe.halliwell, rory.gilmore, samantha.carter, samuel.anders, veruca.cally, willow.rosenberg, zero.hopelesssavage, zoe.washburn ///@fandomhigh.net, veronica.mars@hearst.edu, cchase@nyu.edu, hotsauce@yahoo.com

From: purplefrog@yahoo.com

In case you guys heard about Sunnydale going under (or hell, maybe it happened years ago for some of you), just wanted to let you know we came through. Most of us, anyway. The world's not getting taken over by vampires, at least not this week. Faith saved us.

(That's a name; I didn't like, join a cult or something. Like Faith who used to be in Fandom, just this one was ours.)

Got to go. We're on our way to LA, just stopped for gas and the truckstop has wifi so I dragged out the keyboard since it's easier than typing on the phone. So anyway. I'm still here. Hope you're still there, wherever there might be these days.

~Xander
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