soldtoarmenians | Room 121, Late Monday Morning

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Room 121, Late Monday Morning

Xander stared at the package on his bed, which he'd just retrieved from the post office, a walk that his still generally-aching body wasn't real happy about. He'd had an idea what was in the package, though, and no idea how long it would last before spoiling. It was postmarked London, Florence, O'Fallon, and Castle Rock. It had stamps on it, but the date on them was slightly obscured by what he assumed were owl footprints. So yeah, he was gonna guess butterbeer and pumpkin juice.

He opened it carefully, or as carefully as his splinted-up hand would allow.

Butterbeer, pumpkin juice, and flobberworm larvae (dead). Joy.

He opened up his laptop.

To: willow.rosenberg@hogwarts.ac.uk
From: xander.harris@fandomhigh.net
Subject: Packag yay

hi orry typing short n bad. brokn fingrs. worm for j? isabl alin, but wirdst thing Iv sn hr eat = tbsco on twinki.

hit bookfair fri. bridg bought m tv'mck/nglish dict. can touch if you'r nic to m so vry not dirty. h got one on snot whch cn skip touching. [hould probly alo kip suggting you ak parkr bout dtntion w/sx worker n nforcr caus that wld b wrong. spclly. today caus trth spll. just sayin'. ] andrs n bkfair = apoclyps for him. yih, I kno. must have wmpy-ass pocly. where he com from.

j got out of tnk fri.saved notyou from frog plgue. [+ pudding rn, cofflak, kittn n bttrfli. rory spok gyptin. in frnt of book / tuff happnd.]

is ok. got togthr to hlp fix, by fighting mummis. flshbck to ampta omg, wasn gonn tll but trth sp. + brk fingr, too lzy to dlt cos gd hnd gtting tird. brok 2 fingr on lft hnd so easdxz n caps hard atm, spclly e. bridg got concuss. from my ax, but w'r ok. dawn mad protction amult - mustv orkd. buffy knockd out tho. i worry cus ... buffy, vn if not our buffy. but buffysstrong; b ok, right? right.

figrd out trth spll in commn rm lst night; kpt tlking bout ~~sx on tree tht was rlly othr xndr~~ [DELETE KEY OMG IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT] ~~hndcuff n lthr grrrr~~ [DELETE KEY WTF] sx with lots of ppl oh fuk it too dmn lzy to dlt rrr. =tlking= lot of ppl not sx lot of ppl.

found out othr xndr turnd b into frrt. plz not to ask. omg. nvr hv sx in forst kthx. ...ok ogod by bfor i strt tlking bout hndcffs.

um.

lov, x [HIGHLIGHT TO DELETE CRAP MISSED HIT SEND CRAP]

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Xander knew opening the door to any sounds he heard outside in the hallway would be a less than wise move given today's wackiness. So of course he did so. Because he ~~is an idiot~~ ... yeah, he'd work on an answer to that sometime real soon. Because possibly it was Bridge and his hands were full so he couldn't knock? Yeah, that sounded good.

Of course it wasn't Bridge, when he opened the door. "Um." He tilted his head at the girl. And... the fishie. "Hi?"

"You need a fish on your door," River said, trying to wipe some yellow paint off her face, which only made more of a mess. "Hello Xander, I'm River. I'm not Bridge."

"No, definitely not. The resemblence is strong, but he's just a shade taller." Xander scratched his head. "I need a fish on my door? Not that I'm arguing, because hey, fishie."

At least this guy was understanding. "The fish are important. I don't know why, but they tell something important. Truth. Like the octopus." This was so hard to explain it was almost painful. "And I need to tell the truth, but it's hidden from me in my head, and they hurt me and it's all black and no stars." River's voice had turned into a whisper.

Okay, not that she was actually scaring him, but Xander was, just for a moment, glad he was on the inside of his doorway. Just for the deja-vu. "You're, um. Not a vampire by any chance? Not that you look like a vampire, but you kind of sound like one I sort of know. In the know well enough to run in he opposite direction from sense. Just 'cause she's a vampire, though, not because she's crazy. Well, maybe because she's a crazy vampire, but it's the pointy bitey part that's important thre. Also, hi, sorry, my mouth doesn't have an off-switch today."

"You know vampires? Wode ma he tade fengkuang de waisheng dou!" River's eyes widened. "We should kill them. They eat people. Blood and soul."

Xander blinked, then nodded slowly. "Okay, I only got about half of that, but the half I did get, I agree with. Not a vampire fan. They're all gone, though, far as I know. Even the one that's not evil moved away."

River nodded too. "Buffy told be about them. She's a very nice person."

At this, Xander smiled brightly. "Yeah, she is." Then frowned as he remembered. "I'm a little worried about her; she got hurt and hasn't woke up yet."

"She'll be fine," River assured him with certainty. "Berthold will look after her."

Xander raised an eyebrow. "Who's Berthold?"

"He lives under Buffy's bed," River explained. "A very sweet monster. Dong ma?"

And of course this being Fandom, Xander had absolutely no idea if it was a real monster, a made-up monster, or a hallucination. Or all of the above. Also of course, he didn't speak Chinese, and he was only wildly guessing he'd even picked the right language to not speak.

"Dong ma?" he repeated quizzically. Then added, "So are you Buffy's roomie? Um, you and Berthold?"

"Yes," River replied. "You don't know Chinese? And you're a friend of Buffy and yet not?"

"Sounds like Buffy gave you the basics," Xander said. "I... knew her when she was older? Or maybe that should be I'll know her when she gets older, except I already do, but she doesn't yet." He pursed his lips and frowned slightly. "Time's weird. And no," he added, smiling again, "I don't speak Chinese. I speak Rat, though. A little. And Lobster."

"I knew Zoe, I mean Principal Washburn, in another version of herself. But Kaylee is from the same place as me. I think she's got over my brother since she came here, but he's got himself to blame, making a mess of things. Can you teach me Rat and Lobster? What's butterbeer?"

River blinked, then frowned. "I talk too much," she mumbled. "I shouldn't read people's minds."

Xander blinked, between actually reacting to any of that, and wondering which part of it to tackle first.

"I'm not sure I could teach creature languages very well, but this--" He made little antennae motions at his forehead, somewhat hampered by the splinted fingers. "--is Lobster for hi. And butterbeer is... some kind of drink they make in another dimension where my friend Willow-who's-older-than-the-Willow-here--" It wasn't technically a lie; she was. A bit. "--goes to school. She sent me some to give to Isabel."

He studied River thoughtfully. "I wondered why you said you weren't Bridge; you heard me thinking it when I was coming to the door?"

"I heard you thinking it," River confirmed looking a little bothered. "But I shouldn't tell people. Makes them nervous. Once they tried to burn me at the stake."

She imitated the antennae wiggling, and grinned.

Xander frowned, even through the lobster-wiggling. "I get why people would be nervous about somebody reading their minds, but..." He shook his head and kind of wished he didn't have a good enough imagination to picture somebody else in her place. "Bridge can do that too. He says people here are...mostly... okay about it." He did smile then. "You should meet him."

"I'd like to," River said, then paused. "You care a lot about him. Especially when he brings you cupcakes." She frowned. "What are cupcakes?"

Xander raised both eyebrows. "They're, um. Little cakes. About the size of a cup. With frosting. Very tasty."

River nodded, then frowned. There was something strange about this conversation.

She took a step back. "I should go now. Hope you like the fish."

Xander would've agreed about the strange part, had he actually been psychic, instead of just talking to one. Though... it really wasn't all that more surreal than most of his conversations around here. Aside from the burning at the stake part, it actually reminded him pleasantly of the girl who turned herself into a beach-ball and bounced around the journalism classroom, back in the days when people just seemed to fade out and go back home whenever they got bored with the place.

"Okay - glad to meet you!" He eyed the outside of the door, and grinned. "And, er. Thanks for the fish. Does he have a name, or is he just Fish?"

"It's a she. She's called Turtle." River grinned and waved.

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Room 121, Late Monday Morning

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