Room 121, Late Monday Morning

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander stared at the package on his bed, which he'd just retrieved from the post office, a walk that his still generally-aching body wasn't real happy about. He'd had an idea what was in the package, though, and no idea how long it would last before spoiling. It was postmarked London, Florence, O'Fallon, and Castle Rock. It had stamps on it, but the date on them was slightly obscured by what he assumed were owl footprints. So yeah, he was gonna guess butterbeer and pumpkin juice.

He opened it carefully, or as carefully as his splinted-up hand would allow.

Butterbeer, pumpkin juice, and flobberworm larvae (dead). Joy.

He opened up his laptop.

To: willow.rosenberg@hogwarts.ac.uk
From: xander.harris@fandomhigh.net
Subject: Packag yay

hi orry typing short n bad. brokn fingrs. worm for j? isabl alin, but wirdst thing Iv sn hr eat = tbsco on twinki.

hit bookfair fri. bridg bought m tv'mck/nglish dict. can touch if you'r nic to m so vry not dirty. h got one on snot whch cn skip touching. [hould probly alo kip suggting you ak parkr bout dtntion w/sx worker n nforcr caus that wld b wrong. spclly. today caus trth spll. just sayin'. ] andrs n bkfair = apoclyps for him. yih, I kno. must have wmpy-ass pocly. where he com from.

j got out of tnk fri.saved notyou from frog plgue. [+ pudding rn, cofflak, kittn n bttrfli. rory spok gyptin. in frnt of book / tuff happnd.]

is ok. got togthr to hlp fix, by fighting mummis. flshbck to ampta omg, wasn gonn tll but trth sp. + brk fingr, too lzy to dlt cos gd hnd gtting tird. brok 2 fingr on lft hnd so easdxz n caps hard atm, spclly e. bridg got concuss. from my ax, but w'r ok. dawn mad protction amult - mustv orkd. buffy knockd out tho. i worry cus ... buffy, vn if not our buffy. but buffysstrong; b ok, right? right.

figrd out trth spll in commn rm lst night; kpt tlking bout sx on tree tht was rlly othr xndr [DELETE KEY OMG IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT] hndcuff n lthr grrrr [DELETE KEY WTF] sx with lots of ppl oh fuk it too dmn lzy to dlt rrr. =tlking= lot of ppl not sx lot of ppl.

found out othr xndr turnd b into frrt. plz not to ask. omg. nvr hv sx in forst kthx. ...ok ogod by bfor i strt tlking bout hndcffs.

um.

lov, x [HIGHLIGHT TO DELETE CRAP MISSED HIT SEND CRAP]

Comments

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

After an enlightening stop by the Fourth Floor Common Room and then getting a handwaved phone call from Xander, Isabel wandered down to the first floor and knocked on his door.

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander opened the door and waved her in. "Hey, roomie. Mi casa es unless you're a vampire casa."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"No vampire here. Just a vague relationship to small green people possibly," she laughed as she came in with Jack following her. "Don't mind my furry friend. Jack managed to get himself turned into fox. I have no idea how he did it."

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander stared at the fox. "I'm guessing not how Bridge did it. Or wait, it's Jack, so maybe it was."

Then he sighed. "Yay, oversharing plague still in effect."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Oh no, not you to," Isabel laughed. "I just had some very enlightening conversations upstairs. I am so glad this doesn't seem to be affecting me."

"Should I ask how Bridge...No. Nevermind. Not asking. Next topic. Willow sent the stuff?"

[soldtoarmenians]

"Tree. Sex. Against not with. Only the tree was actually the other Xander. And it wasn't sex so much as ferretus interruptus." Xander closed his eyes. "Note to self - nevermind doesn't seem to work. Yes, Willow sent the stuff - it's in the box on the bed."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

After the word sex came out of Xander's mouth, Isabel stuck her hands over her ears quickly. "Lalalalalala....Can't hear you."

[soldtoarmenians]

"THANK YOU," Xander said, hopefully loudly enough to be heard over her singing.

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"No problem," Isabel said as she uncovered her ears. "I think I'm going to go back to my room and hide. Because I'm hearing way too much information about people that I would really prefer not to."

She pointed to the box on the bed and chose her words carefully. "Is that the stuff?"

[soldtoarmenians]

"Yup, that's it." Xander retrieved the jar of dried bugs. "You probably don't want that part, though."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"No, I'll pass on whatever that is," she said, wrinkling her nose. "How are you feeling by the way? I just want to know about any injuries you got Saturday night. Nothing beyond that!"

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander laughed, because at some point, you had to. He waved his splinted hand. "Achey, but given I broke two fingers I'm probably pretty lucky with just achey."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Same here. Plus the additional fun of feeling like a mummy gouged my neck. Which is a feeling I could have lived without," she said, shaking her head.

Isabel picked up the package. "Tell Willow I said thank you, very much. I think this is really going to be appreciated. And have her let me know what I owe."

[soldtoarmenians]

"Honestly she'll probably say not to worry about it; her folks are pretty free with the pocket money these days." Xander frowned. "I think it's in exchange for actually noticing what's going on with her; they're nice, they're just... not really there a lot of the time."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Just ask her, just in case. Because if this goes over well, I might ask for more and I wouldn't want to take advantage of her," Isabel replied as she started towards. "Her parents sound like idiots."

"Come on Jack. Let's go back to my room and hide before we find out anything else we'd rather not about people."

[soldtoarmenians]

Relatively speaking, Xander thought as they left, no, not idiots. Then again his relatives weren't much to speak relatively from.

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

River was painting again, this time a long trail of little yellow fish, starting from the entrance and leading up to the roof. There was a hidden truth in this, but she was yet uncerating exactly what that was. For some reason room 121 had to have a yellow fish on it. With dots.

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander knew opening the door to any sounds he heard outside in the hallway would be a less than wise move given today's wackiness. So of course he did so. Because he is an idiot ... yeah, he'd work on an answer to that sometime real soon. Because possibly it was Bridge and his hands were full so he couldn't knock? Yeah, that sounded good.

Of course it wasn't Bridge, when he opened the door. "Um." He tilted his head at the girl. And... the fishie. "Hi?"

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"You need a fish on your door," River said, trying to wipe some yellow paint off her face, which only made more of a mess. "Hello Xander, I'm River. I'm not Bridge."

[soldtoarmenians]

"No, definitely not. The resemblence is strong, but he's just a shade taller." Xander scratched his head. "I need a fish on my door? Not that I'm arguing, because hey, fishie."

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

At least this guy was understanding. "The fish are important. I don't know why, but they tell something important. Truth. Like the octopus." This was so hard to explain it was almost painful. "And I need to tell the truth, but it's hidden from me in my head, and they hurt me and it's all black and no stars." River's voice had turned into a whisper.

[soldtoarmenians]

Okay, not that she was actually scaring him, but Xander was, just for a moment, glad he was on the inside of his doorway. Just for the deja-vu. "You're, um. Not a vampire by any chance? Not that you look like a vampire, but you kind of sound like one I sort of know. In the know well enough to run in he opposite direction from sense. Just 'cause she's a vampire, though, not because she's crazy. Well, maybe because she's a crazy vampire, but it's the pointy bitey part that's important thre. Also, hi, sorry, my mouth doesn't have an off-switch today."

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"You know vampires? Wode ma he tade fengkuang de waisheng dou!" River's eyes widened. "We should kill them. They eat people. Blood and soul."

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander blinked, then nodded slowly. "Okay, I only got about half of that, but the half I did get, I agree with. Not a vampire fan. They're all gone, though, far as I know. Even the one that's not evil moved away."

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

River nodded too. "Buffy told be about them. She's a very nice person."

[soldtoarmenians]

At this, Xander smiled brightly. "Yeah, she is." Then frowned as he remembered. "I'm a little worried about her; she got hurt and hasn't woke up yet."

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"She'll be fine," River assured him with certainty. "Berthold will look after her."

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander raised an eyebrow. "Who's Berthold?"

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"He lives under Buffy's bed," River explained. "A very sweet monster. Dong ma?"

[soldtoarmenians]

And of course this being Fandom, Xander had absolutely no idea if it was a real monster, a made-up monster, or a hallucination. Or all of the above. Also of course, he didn't speak Chinese, and he was only wildly guessing he'd even picked the right language to not speak.

"Dong ma?" he repeated quizzically. Then added, "So are you Buffy's roomie? Um, you and Berthold?"

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"Yes," River replied. "You don't know Chinese? And you're a friend of Buffy and yet not?"

[soldtoarmenians]

"Sounds like Buffy gave you the basics," Xander said. "I... knew her when she was older? Or maybe that should be I'll know her when she gets older, except I already do, but she doesn't yet." He pursed his lips and frowned slightly. "Time's weird. And no," he added, smiling again, "I don't speak Chinese. I speak Rat, though. A little. And Lobster."

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"I knew Zoe, I mean Principal Washburn, in another version of herself. But Kaylee is from the same place as me. I think she's got over my brother since she came here, but he's got himself to blame, making a mess of things. Can you teach me Rat and Lobster? What's butterbeer?"

River blinked, then frowned. "I talk too much," she mumbled. "I shouldn't read people's minds."

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander blinked, between actually reacting to any of that, and wondering which part of it to tackle first.

"I'm not sure I could teach creature languages very well, but this--" He made little antennae motions at his forehead, somewhat hampered by the splinted fingers. "--is Lobster for hi. And butterbeer is... some kind of drink they make in another dimension where my friend Willow-who's-older-than-the-Willow-here--" It wasn't technically a lie; she was. A bit. "--goes to school. She sent me some to give to Isabel."

He studied River thoughtfully. "I wondered why you said you weren't Bridge; you heard me thinking it when I was coming to the door?"

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"I heard you thinking it," River confirmed looking a little bothered. "But I shouldn't tell people. Makes them nervous. Once they tried to burn me at the stake."

She imitated the antennae wiggling, and grinned.

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander frowned, even through the lobster-wiggling. "I get why people would be nervous about somebody reading their minds, but..." He shook his head and kind of wished he didn't have a good enough imagination to picture somebody else in her place. "Bridge can do that too. He says people here are...mostly... okay about it." He did smile then. "You should meet him."

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"I'd like to," River said, then paused. "You care a lot about him. Especially when he brings you cupcakes." She frowned. "What are cupcakes?"

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander raised both eyebrows. "They're, um. Little cakes. About the size of a cup. With frosting. Very tasty."

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

River nodded, then frowned. There was something strange about this conversation.

She took a step back. "I should go now. Hope you like the fish."

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander would've agreed about the strange part, had he actually been psychic, instead of just talking to one. Though... it really wasn't all that more surreal than most of his conversations around here. Aside from the burning at the stake part, it actually reminded him pleasantly of the girl who turned herself into a beach-ball and bounced around the journalism classroom, back in the days when people just seemed to fade out and go back home whenever they got bored with the place.

"Okay - glad to meet you!" He eyed the outside of the door, and grinned. "And, er. Thanks for the fish. Does he have a name, or is he just Fish?"

[moonbrain-tam.livejournal.com]

"It's a she. She's called Turtle." River grinned and waved.