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soldtoarmeniansTo: xharris@ucsd.edu
From: lblaisdell@ucsd.edu
Subject: Econ
Dude, where were you yesterday? That's the 2nd class you missed in a row and we've only HAD three. Anyway I've got the homework if you want it.
Speaking of class... Your roomie was trying to tell me this joke in the cafeteria about freshmen girls and toilet seats -- didn't get the memo I guess, plus I was dressed for football practice-- then the second Summers walks by he's all Hi I'm Sensitive New Age Guy And You Are? Nice. Speaking as a guy who used to *make* jokes like that.
Unless that's denial. You think it's denial? Because I would not mind helping him through that little problem.
-Larry
P.S. Shut up he's not hard on the eyes is all I'm sayin'.
----
Xander rolled his eyes at his laptop screen and glanced over at his Economics textbook. Yeah, he'd get on that. Right about... later. Not that he'd been doing anything all day except lying on his stomach surfing the net and getting annoyed when half his bookmarks didn't exist yet, while music played from the CD drive that...also didn't exist yet. Most of it.
The phone rang, and he decided as he reached for it that he wished he hadn't set individual ringtones after all -- when it was still playing the drawn from the weeds song for everybody, he could have a second of wondering. As it was, he already knew it was just Willow.
Though that brought a different kind of wondering. He stopped She Blinded Me With Science halfway through the first line by stabbing the call button, and the first word out of his mouth was "Anything?"
The silence that followed wasn't really filled by the noise of Parker coming in and tossing his backpack on his bed. Or when he spied the picture of Xander, Willow, and Buffy on Xander's desk, and said, "Hey, I saw her yesterday!" The sounds just bounced around inside the room like a couple of pennies in a coffee can.
"Xander..." she said, in the way where his name was a synonym for sorry, and he wished he couldn't hear that, just like he really wished he couldn't hear the difference between sorry, I got nothin' and sorry, I've got something you're not going to like.
"What?" From the corner of his eye as he stared blindly down at the laptop, Xander could see Parker putting the photo back, tracing his fingers absently over the other ones there - Xander and Giles on the steps of SDHS, Isabel in her prom dress, Xander, Rory and the other Parker on the London Eye, Xander and Bridge--
"Giles talked to the Council. They can't get a portal open either. Not to... almost anyplace that actually has people in it. Demon dimensions, no problem. Anything that calls itself Earth but has a different history than ours? Bupkis. Not even a communication spell. It's like we're cut off, and they've got no clue why."
"Do they know how long it's gonna be like that?" he asked, playing a delicate game with his brain where he acknowledged what she said just enough to respond to it without actually... acknowledging it.
"No." Her voice went a little flat. "It's not exactly their top priority. The few kids they sent out to other dimensions are all back, and they never did have access to very many. Giles asked if they didn't want to get back in touch with the wizarding dimension as soon as possible at least and they said--" Her laugh might've been a bit bitter; Xander might've stopped noticing things like tone right about the time she said no. "--that's why they sent me in the first place; the wizards would never share trade secrets with them before."
"So that's it." He closed the laptop up mechanically. "Nobody's gonna do a damn thing about it."
"Well, Amy and I are still trying to make our portal spell work," Willow said. "I'm not giving up. But...yeah. We're pretty much on our own."
"What about the e-mail?"
More silence. "I assume it's the same thing. They're trying to go, but hitting some kind of ...interference. People might be getting the bounce messages too, if they're sending to us, or it might just be...floating away somewhere and they think we're not answering."
Xander's hand tightened around the phone. He... seriously considered throwing it, but didn't. "Thanks, Willow."
Across the room, Parker pointed to the photo again, this time at Willow, and mouthed her name questioningly, then waved. "Tell her hi - I'm in her Lit class."
"Is that Parker?" Willow asked, and the sound of that name in Willow's false-cheer-filled voice made the thing that had been rattling around in Xander's brain for a week finally slide into place. "He's funny - he does a really great Lord Byron impression. Totally reminded me of Angel except for the part where he could turn it off."
"Yeah, it's Parker. He says hi. Listen, I gotta go. Thanks, Will." He shut the phone off before she could answer, and stood up, shoving it into his pocket. The laptop followed into its bag and over his shoulder.
"You heading out?" Parker asked, still standing by Xander's desk. He held the framed photo in his hand and was just now putting it down. "Nice girl," he added, tapping the corner over Buffy's face. "Met her in the cafeteria."
"Yeah." Xander scooped his keys into his pocket, then turned to Parker. "So what's the punchline?"
"Huh?"
"Of the joke about freshman girls and toilet seats." Xander shifted the bag over his left shoulder.
"Oh, she, uh. Heard that?" Parker made a face. "Totally not meant for her ears, trust me. Just a guy joke, nothing serious."
"Right. So I'm a guy; tell me the joke."
Parker gave a half grin, like he wasn't sure if he was comfortable doing so or not, but then shrugged. "Toilet seat doesn't follow you around after you use it."
"Funny." The sound of Xander's fist hitting his roommate's face actually did fill the silence. Xander was sort of vaguely pleased by his success in that.
"The hell?" Parker muttered from the floor, his hand covering his nose. "I thimk you brodk muh nobe."
"If I hear about you even going near Buffy or Willow, your nose is the last body part you'll need to worry about."
Xander really wished the satisfaction lasted longer than about three seconds after he slammed out the door.
Another three seconds later, he popped his head back in and added, "That applies to Larry, too." Just in case.
Didn't bring the satisfaction back, though, just made him feel slightly stupid when he had to re-storm-off.
__
[Apologies to Riley whose schtick I have stolen, but he is not here to do it and I feel confident he'd be pleased to have Xander act in his stead.]
From: lblaisdell@ucsd.edu
Subject: Econ
Dude, where were you yesterday? That's the 2nd class you missed in a row and we've only HAD three. Anyway I've got the homework if you want it.
Speaking of class... Your roomie was trying to tell me this joke in the cafeteria about freshmen girls and toilet seats -- didn't get the memo I guess, plus I was dressed for football practice-- then the second Summers walks by he's all Hi I'm Sensitive New Age Guy And You Are? Nice. Speaking as a guy who used to *make* jokes like that.
Unless that's denial. You think it's denial? Because I would not mind helping him through that little problem.
-Larry
P.S. Shut up he's not hard on the eyes is all I'm sayin'.
----
Xander rolled his eyes at his laptop screen and glanced over at his Economics textbook. Yeah, he'd get on that. Right about... later. Not that he'd been doing anything all day except lying on his stomach surfing the net and getting annoyed when half his bookmarks didn't exist yet, while music played from the CD drive that...also didn't exist yet. Most of it.
The phone rang, and he decided as he reached for it that he wished he hadn't set individual ringtones after all -- when it was still playing the drawn from the weeds song for everybody, he could have a second of wondering. As it was, he already knew it was just Willow.
Though that brought a different kind of wondering. He stopped She Blinded Me With Science halfway through the first line by stabbing the call button, and the first word out of his mouth was "Anything?"
The silence that followed wasn't really filled by the noise of Parker coming in and tossing his backpack on his bed. Or when he spied the picture of Xander, Willow, and Buffy on Xander's desk, and said, "Hey, I saw her yesterday!" The sounds just bounced around inside the room like a couple of pennies in a coffee can.
"Xander..." she said, in the way where his name was a synonym for sorry, and he wished he couldn't hear that, just like he really wished he couldn't hear the difference between sorry, I got nothin' and sorry, I've got something you're not going to like.
"What?" From the corner of his eye as he stared blindly down at the laptop, Xander could see Parker putting the photo back, tracing his fingers absently over the other ones there - Xander and Giles on the steps of SDHS, Isabel in her prom dress, Xander, Rory and the other Parker on the London Eye, Xander and Bridge--
"Giles talked to the Council. They can't get a portal open either. Not to... almost anyplace that actually has people in it. Demon dimensions, no problem. Anything that calls itself Earth but has a different history than ours? Bupkis. Not even a communication spell. It's like we're cut off, and they've got no clue why."
"Do they know how long it's gonna be like that?" he asked, playing a delicate game with his brain where he acknowledged what she said just enough to respond to it without actually... acknowledging it.
"No." Her voice went a little flat. "It's not exactly their top priority. The few kids they sent out to other dimensions are all back, and they never did have access to very many. Giles asked if they didn't want to get back in touch with the wizarding dimension as soon as possible at least and they said--" Her laugh might've been a bit bitter; Xander might've stopped noticing things like tone right about the time she said no. "--that's why they sent me in the first place; the wizards would never share trade secrets with them before."
"So that's it." He closed the laptop up mechanically. "Nobody's gonna do a damn thing about it."
"Well, Amy and I are still trying to make our portal spell work," Willow said. "I'm not giving up. But...yeah. We're pretty much on our own."
"What about the e-mail?"
More silence. "I assume it's the same thing. They're trying to go, but hitting some kind of ...interference. People might be getting the bounce messages too, if they're sending to us, or it might just be...floating away somewhere and they think we're not answering."
Xander's hand tightened around the phone. He... seriously considered throwing it, but didn't. "Thanks, Willow."
Across the room, Parker pointed to the photo again, this time at Willow, and mouthed her name questioningly, then waved. "Tell her hi - I'm in her Lit class."
"Is that Parker?" Willow asked, and the sound of that name in Willow's false-cheer-filled voice made the thing that had been rattling around in Xander's brain for a week finally slide into place. "He's funny - he does a really great Lord Byron impression. Totally reminded me of Angel except for the part where he could turn it off."
"Yeah, it's Parker. He says hi. Listen, I gotta go. Thanks, Will." He shut the phone off before she could answer, and stood up, shoving it into his pocket. The laptop followed into its bag and over his shoulder.
"You heading out?" Parker asked, still standing by Xander's desk. He held the framed photo in his hand and was just now putting it down. "Nice girl," he added, tapping the corner over Buffy's face. "Met her in the cafeteria."
"Yeah." Xander scooped his keys into his pocket, then turned to Parker. "So what's the punchline?"
"Huh?"
"Of the joke about freshman girls and toilet seats." Xander shifted the bag over his left shoulder.
"Oh, she, uh. Heard that?" Parker made a face. "Totally not meant for her ears, trust me. Just a guy joke, nothing serious."
"Right. So I'm a guy; tell me the joke."
Parker gave a half grin, like he wasn't sure if he was comfortable doing so or not, but then shrugged. "Toilet seat doesn't follow you around after you use it."
"Funny." The sound of Xander's fist hitting his roommate's face actually did fill the silence. Xander was sort of vaguely pleased by his success in that.
"The hell?" Parker muttered from the floor, his hand covering his nose. "I thimk you brodk muh nobe."
"If I hear about you even going near Buffy or Willow, your nose is the last body part you'll need to worry about."
Xander really wished the satisfaction lasted longer than about three seconds after he slammed out the door.
Another three seconds later, he popped his head back in and added, "That applies to Larry, too." Just in case.
Didn't bring the satisfaction back, though, just made him feel slightly stupid when he had to re-storm-off.
__
[Apologies to Riley whose schtick I have stolen, but he is not here to do it and I feel confident he'd be pleased to have Xander act in his stead.]
