E-mails in bottles (Nov 21st-23rd 2000)
Sep. 20th, 2006 05:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soldtoarmeniansFrom: xharris@ucsd.edu
To: dawn.summers@fandomhigh.net
Date: November 21st, 2000
Subject: Things
Well, I get it now. There was a non-Mayor-sized-snake-thing that I'm guessing you remember, and it went right after you, and... I may've pushed Buffy on why by pointing out that hi we are not *stupid*, and we can protect you-her better if we know why something's after her.
...I'm choosing to take the blank stares I got from everybody else as an effect of the spell because the other option is we actually *are* that stupid. I *do* think we can protect her better if we know. I kind of think Buffy should tell *her* too, before she figures it out on her own and all hell breaks loose - you're kinda sneaky, y'know.
Maybe not til after tomorrow, though. Your mom's having surgery and everybody's wigged enough as it is, especially Buffy and wee-you. The docs know what they're supposed to be looking out for, though. They said they'd be looking out for that anyway, but that just means we keep bugging them about checking for it after, too.
I can't promise we can fix it. I'd rather say that now and give you happy news later, because the other way around would kind of kill me, I think. But I'll do my damnedest.
~Xander
_
To: dawn.summers@fandomhigh.net
Date: November 22nd, 2000, 11:45 p.m.
Subject: About that news?
She's in recovery now.
love, Xander
__
To: bridge.carson@fandomhigh.net
Date: November 23rd, 2000
Subject: Happy Joyce Made It Out Of Surgery Day
Also it's Thanksgiving, but priorities, yo. Though point of trivia? Sunnydale hospital cafeteria has suprisingly good turkey. Stuffing not so much.
I know about what you know about Dawn, I think. It's...weird, but weirdly weird? It's weird that everybody else is weirded out over the 'she wasn't here' part, and I'm just sitting here sort of nodding and going 'ahhhh, so that's why.'
I didn't tell them, though. I don't even know *why*. Just... there was this point where Giles looked at me like he was about to ask, and I open my mouth and out comes 'So wait, who *did* let Jeremiah out of his tank last Thanksgiving?'
I think she has a *right* to know what she is, and I told Buffy that, but I guess it's just... the poor kid's got some pissed-off super-demon chick after her, her mom just got out of cancer surgery, and Buffy's going to have to tell her she didn't even exist this time last year... does she really need to know there's somebody around who remembers that and thinks of it as the way it 'really' was?
So...
About...
djhklsjhkjh...
So, I didn't write you on our anniversary, and the dumbest, weirdest thing is I feel guiltier about that than I do about what I was doing instead.
Willow tried another portal spell in the morning, and that purple circle flared up, which it hasn't even got that far the other times she's tried, and I thought, just for a second, you know. So I'm standing there watching this thing that's just a circle on the floor of Giles's new shop, floor on the outside and floor on the inside. And I'm *thinking*, thinking what do I do if it works, if the Perk or the school or hell, the damned duck pond shows up inside it - do I just walk through right now and not look back? Forget school, forget whatever it is Dawn thinks I'm supposed to do that's so goddamn awesome, and just go, because it might be my only shot?
Thing is... right then I think I would've. I don't know if I'd have been right or wrong, but I would've. And I was ok with that. I was *waiting* for that. And then pffft. Like it's been pffft every time before, and I can't *do* that again.
So... and here's where maybe I screwed up. I don't *think* I did? But I don't know, and you're not exactly here for me to ask. But there was...activity of the woodworking variety. Not with anybody you know another version of; it doesn't even really matter who, it was just a thing, because I needed to...not be *waiting* for you. I don't know if that makes any sense; I don't even know if I make any sense to me.
Just... I don't know when I'll ever see you again. I don't know *if* I'll ever see you again. I hope so. I want to. The frak of it is I love you; can't even picture ever not. But I think I have to stop hanging everything on the idea that it could be tomorrow or next year when it might be never, because if I don't, I'm not going to be good for much else.
I'm not sorry it happened, but I'm sorry as hell if it ends up hurting you, because I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than do that, though judges will allow I might be doing both in one convenient package here. I almost didn't say anything at all, since what's the chance that you'll even get this, but -- contain your shock -- I've been keeping a running list of Worst Possible Ways Xander Could Screw This Up since, oh, a couple days before our first date? And lying to you is #3. (Though possibly I should move "spill noodles all over him" out of the #2 slot now.)
love, Xander
To: dawn.summers@fandomhigh.net
Date: November 21st, 2000
Subject: Things
Well, I get it now. There was a non-Mayor-sized-snake-thing that I'm guessing you remember, and it went right after you, and... I may've pushed Buffy on why by pointing out that hi we are not *stupid*, and we can protect you-her better if we know why something's after her.
...I'm choosing to take the blank stares I got from everybody else as an effect of the spell because the other option is we actually *are* that stupid. I *do* think we can protect her better if we know. I kind of think Buffy should tell *her* too, before she figures it out on her own and all hell breaks loose - you're kinda sneaky, y'know.
Maybe not til after tomorrow, though. Your mom's having surgery and everybody's wigged enough as it is, especially Buffy and wee-you. The docs know what they're supposed to be looking out for, though. They said they'd be looking out for that anyway, but that just means we keep bugging them about checking for it after, too.
I can't promise we can fix it. I'd rather say that now and give you happy news later, because the other way around would kind of kill me, I think. But I'll do my damnedest.
~Xander
_
To: dawn.summers@fandomhigh.net
Date: November 22nd, 2000, 11:45 p.m.
Subject: About that news?
She's in recovery now.
love, Xander
__
To: bridge.carson@fandomhigh.net
Date: November 23rd, 2000
Subject: Happy Joyce Made It Out Of Surgery Day
Also it's Thanksgiving, but priorities, yo. Though point of trivia? Sunnydale hospital cafeteria has suprisingly good turkey. Stuffing not so much.
I know about what you know about Dawn, I think. It's...weird, but weirdly weird? It's weird that everybody else is weirded out over the 'she wasn't here' part, and I'm just sitting here sort of nodding and going 'ahhhh, so that's why.'
I didn't tell them, though. I don't even know *why*. Just... there was this point where Giles looked at me like he was about to ask, and I open my mouth and out comes 'So wait, who *did* let Jeremiah out of his tank last Thanksgiving?'
I think she has a *right* to know what she is, and I told Buffy that, but I guess it's just... the poor kid's got some pissed-off super-demon chick after her, her mom just got out of cancer surgery, and Buffy's going to have to tell her she didn't even exist this time last year... does she really need to know there's somebody around who remembers that and thinks of it as the way it 'really' was?
So...
About...
djhklsjhkjh...
So, I didn't write you on our anniversary, and the dumbest, weirdest thing is I feel guiltier about that than I do about what I was doing instead.
Willow tried another portal spell in the morning, and that purple circle flared up, which it hasn't even got that far the other times she's tried, and I thought, just for a second, you know. So I'm standing there watching this thing that's just a circle on the floor of Giles's new shop, floor on the outside and floor on the inside. And I'm *thinking*, thinking what do I do if it works, if the Perk or the school or hell, the damned duck pond shows up inside it - do I just walk through right now and not look back? Forget school, forget whatever it is Dawn thinks I'm supposed to do that's so goddamn awesome, and just go, because it might be my only shot?
Thing is... right then I think I would've. I don't know if I'd have been right or wrong, but I would've. And I was ok with that. I was *waiting* for that. And then pffft. Like it's been pffft every time before, and I can't *do* that again.
So... and here's where maybe I screwed up. I don't *think* I did? But I don't know, and you're not exactly here for me to ask. But there was...activity of the woodworking variety. Not with anybody you know another version of; it doesn't even really matter who, it was just a thing, because I needed to...not be *waiting* for you. I don't know if that makes any sense; I don't even know if I make any sense to me.
Just... I don't know when I'll ever see you again. I don't know *if* I'll ever see you again. I hope so. I want to. The frak of it is I love you; can't even picture ever not. But I think I have to stop hanging everything on the idea that it could be tomorrow or next year when it might be never, because if I don't, I'm not going to be good for much else.
I'm not sorry it happened, but I'm sorry as hell if it ends up hurting you, because I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than do that, though judges will allow I might be doing both in one convenient package here. I almost didn't say anything at all, since what's the chance that you'll even get this, but -- contain your shock -- I've been keeping a running list of Worst Possible Ways Xander Could Screw This Up since, oh, a couple days before our first date? And lying to you is #3. (Though possibly I should move "spill noodles all over him" out of the #2 slot now.)
love, Xander
