Room 406, Jan 6th

[soldtoarmenians]

After returning from registration and helping himself happily to some of the pretzels Isabel had left out for him -- and eyeing the Tabasco sauce warily but not touching it -- Xander checked his voicemail.

And stopped after hearing the first one. Then he replayed it. Several times. If there were anyone in the room besides Jeremiah, they'd have seen his face go through an amazing variation of expressions, from confused to -- very briefly -- contemplative, to completely freaked out.

Then, before his brain had really re-engaged, he picked up the phone and thought he called Marty back.

When he'd slammed the phone down from that experience, and buried his head in his hands for a few moments, he looked up to see Jeremiah watching him intently. "What?" he asked, his face still rather pale.

"Blerbbit?"

"Yes, I know I was in complete spaz-out mode, thank you. Wouldn't you be? Or do you get a lot of ferret-sex offers from other boy frogs? Assuming you're actually a boy, and no, I'm not checking right now; one of us might get the wrong idea, judging by how today is going."

Sighing, he picked up the phone, intending to call Marty back and try to sound like less of a closet basket case. Or possibly hang up in a panic when the machine picked up; he'd burn that bridge when he got to it. Except he never got to it, because he heard the skip in the dial tone indicating there were more voicemails.

After letting the second one play, the idea of sex with Marty was suddenly saved for his private gentleman's time in the shower not the biggest issue on his mind. He quickly called Parker or not to let her know what he'd heard.

The third message just made him giggle hysterically and not remotely suspect that the others had been wrong numbers, though that might have been residual WTF-overflow from the first two.



He stopped laughing quickly enough when he hit the fourth one. "Who wants to what me to the what?" He looked over at Jeremiah in confusion, but there was no helpful answer. Not even a comforting burble-sound. "I'm glad this guy knows who I am, because I don't have a clue who he is." He shook his head. "No, wait, that would be the opposite of glad. That would be creepified. Also I'm pretty sure Camulus is a guy - what, is whatever delusion Marty's got contagious now?" Though that wouldn't explain why creepy stalker guy thought Xander needed to go to the clinic. That call, Xander didn't even try to return. Though he did save it just in case anyone ever asked for it as evidence...

The next one, however, made him sit up in his chair. And check the voicemail system to see if he could re-dial it. Which he did. Except not.

He was almost afraid to listen to the next message - it was like those Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans Willow had stuck in his stocking at Christmas. Was he going to get tutti-frutti delight, or pickled gargoyle-snot?

Oh yay - gargoyle snot. He recognised Janet from the Chicago trip, but he barely knew her - what was she doing calling him at all, let alone to say -- oh Jesus, Marty was contagious. Or he'd been going around telling people things that... were in no way true and needed to be counteracted immediately. Cripes, this was worse than with Larry, back at Sunnydale - at least he'd kept his Totally WRONG OMG suspicions to himself. Xander punched up the student directory on his now much more cooperative computer, and called Janet back.

He gave up on hoping for Tutti-Frutti at that point and just played the last waiting message, bracing himself for a booger-flavored jellybean call.

"The HELL? Et tu, Logan?" Did everybody think he was gay? Heck, maybe he had been bitten by a gremlin last night, his new roomie really was a hallucination, and while he was under the influence he'd... No. Nuh-uh. Absolutely no way.

He called Logan's cell back. There may have been a faint tone of hysteria in his voice.

This time when he hung up and *headdesked*, he didn't even bother to look back up at the frog for support. No comfort coming from that quarter.

Comments

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel returned to her room after spending the morning watching cartoons and talking to people in the common room. "Hi again!" As she sat on her bed, she remembered her conversation with Belthazor the night before. "So someone told me your old roommate used to be a vampire?"

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander lifted his head from his desk, and blinked at her. He might have appeared just a wee bit completely dumfuzzled, and slightly pale.

"No, my old roommate is still a vampire, as far as I know."

He shot a glare at the phone. "But then what the hell do I know - apparently the entire school knows more about my love life than I do. So possibly Angel's a giraffe now."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Angel? I just met him this morning. He wasn't a giraffe then." She stopped and thought about Angel's cold hand a second. "Wait a minute? He's the vampire?"

[soldtoarmenians]

"He's the only vamp in school, as far as I know. There's a couple or three of his relatives running around town, but they can't come on campus," Xander said. "Which is good, because they? Aren't." He ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it back into a semblence of non-headdeskyness. "And there's Vladdie."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"Vladdie? As in Vlad? The Impaler?" No, at this point Isabel would not be shocked to find out he was a student at Fandom.

[soldtoarmenians]

"Yeah, I guess Vladdie's named after him. But he's not very impaley. Mostly he just flies around and barks a lot."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Yup, the list keeps getting longer. One vampire dog. Check.

"A vampire dog? This I've got to see."

She tilted her head and looked at him carefully. "Can I ask why you were hitting your head?"

[soldtoarmenians]

"He's Rory Gilmore's puppy - and disturbingly cute for a vampire. Actually, disturbingly cute even for a puppy."

Xander looked at the phone again, and made a pained face. "Disturbing would also cover the headbanging -- according to my voicemail, today is Make Totally Wrong Assumptions About Xander's Sex Life day at Fandom High. With a special guest appearance by Angel's sex life, and God, do I never want to be in a position to say those three words in the same sentence again."

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

"You're sex life? Angel's sex life? Together?" Isabel has no problems with alternative lifestyles. But she's rapidly learning one thing about Fandom. There's always a story.

[occ:And could you possibly tell the story in a way that would make her check her voicemail? There's a plot afoot!]

[soldtoarmenians]

Xander turned even whiter, if that was possible. "No, no, and also eeghaaaaaa, no. Unrelated sex lives. Completely and forever. Angel's not even supposed to have a sex life if he wants not to turn into a murderous bastard again, as far as I ever heard. And okay, so technically I don't have much of one either, but in no way do we not have sex together. " He shuddered.

[izzyalienqueen.livejournal.com]

Isabel starts another list: Fandom stories she needs to hear. Between what she'd heard at Caritas last night, and now hearing Xander's comment about Angel being a murderous bastard, she had a feeling that the story of Fandom High's resident vampire was an interesting one.

"okay, I get it," she laughed. "You're not sleeping with Angel."

Xander's glance at the telephone had reminded her of her call to Max. She wondered if he had bothered to return her call. "You know, I feel bad. We can never wind up in the same place for longer then a few minutes." She grabbed her jacket out of her closet. "But I called my brother earlier today and I wonder if he called back. I think I'm going to go take a walk and check my voicemail. See you later?"

[soldtoarmenians]

"Sure." Xander nodded. "Hope yours is less aneurism-inducing than mine!"